Achievements
of the Bush
Administration
By
Pirate Joe
19
January 2009
19 January 2009. The last full day of the Bush
Administration. A day I thought would never come, (quite literally,
with some of the new powers he just appropriated for himself) a day
that finds one pinching one’s self just to make sure it’s not a dream.
At historical turning-points such as this, it is
proper and appropriate to look back, to pause and reflect on the
accomplishments of any president, this one being no exception. It is a
fitting time to examine, through his deeds, how this country has
improved during his tenure.
It is somewhat difficult to cull just a small number
of this man’s many and vast accomplishments; I will try to be equal to
the task.
MISSION
ACCOMPLISHED
Who
among us could possibly forget the stirrings of
patriotic pride when W, like a modern-day triumphant Tarzan landed on
the carrier deck and proclaimed “mission accomplished!” for all the
world to see. Wisely completing the work that Daddy had only begun, W
had finally destroyed the regime of Saddam Hussien. His brilliant logic
was impeccable: Saddam would surly renew the war with Iran at some
point. Iran had suffered tremendous losses during the Iran-Iraq war,
diverting precious resources that were needed to increase their
military strength. With Saddam permanently out of the way, they could
then re-arm, as well as develop their all-important
nuclear capability. Since we all know that a strong, nuclear-armed Iran
is the keystone to peace in that region, if not the world, the
logic...is....is... well.....Oh, well, let’s forget mission
accomplished.
How about the capture of Osama Bin Laden?
THE CAPTURE
OF OSAMA BIN LADEN
No mere cowboy sheriff was W. No sir! The man who
engineered the murder of over 3000 Americans on 11 September 2001 was
not going to remain at large! No more threats! No more video from his
Caveman Studios! W would not be diverted. He kept his eyes on the ball,
focussing all useful resources on one goal: the capture of
OBL. It
worked, too. Within one year, Osama found himself in a new cave: the
solitary confinement cell at Fort Leavenworth.. World-wide, everyone
breathed a sigh of relief as...what?...he didn’t capture Osama?....you
mean he still singing na-na-na-na-na from his cave? O.K. we’ll forget
that one too. There are many other ways to prove the greatness of this
man (W).
HURRICANE
KATRINA: THE REBUILDING OF NEW ORLEANS
The
devastation of Hurricane Katrina was one for the
history books, the horrible confluence of a super-powerful storm on a
bearing straight towards a major city. Again, W was Johnny-On-The-Spot.
The pre-storm evacuation was a model of efficiency and effectiveness.
Just look at how well Amtrak was used, taking hundreds of thousands out
of the city while avoiding congested highways. Brownie did a hekuva
job; remember how quickly the city was rebuilt to historical
standards? Didn’t we all marvel at how even the homes of the poor were
re-built, re-habilitated or totally re-created to spare those folks as
much misery as possible? Look back and be proud at how well the
temporary sheltering at the Super Dome was handled, it will be studied
and emulated for centuries to come. Isn’t everyone proud.....what do
you mean..... the city is still in shambles. What do you mean... that
land belonging to poor folks was taken and given to real estate
developers. What do you mean... that he spent hundreds of times more on
Baghdad. Brownie did do a
heckuva job....didn’t he? Well, I’m not
giving up: W was a great president, and I’m still going to prove it!
THE BANKRUPTCY ACT OF 2005
I’ve got y’all here! Nobody knows better than W how
vital it is that we protect large corporations. W saw a crisis coming,
bold action was needed, (and) W was the man for the job. Two of our
greatest industries, the healthcare industry, (you know, those
wonderful folks whose kindness and compassion is exceeded only by the
amount of money you have) and the credit card industry, (those
benevolent folks who encourage you to live beyond your means for
only 20% interest) were being taken advantage of by slothful, indolent
Americans who were either looking for a free ride (wonder where they
got that idea from) or who
were getting sick and losing their jobs just
for spite. Makes your blood boil, doesn’t it? W took care of that one!
Just let the healthcare and credit card industries re-write the law.
See?
CHECK
21
Remember when you used to get you cancelled cheques
back with your bank statements every month? They were your
no-questions-asked, absolute proof receipts. You probably never used
them much, except when you needed to prove payment, like to the
electric company or the IRS. No more. Now you get low-res smudgy
copies
that may (their own words) be
accepted as proof of payment. If you
really need proof, you’ve got to call your bank, press 1, press 2, all
representatives are busy handling other customers...your call is
important to us...
This system saves money for the banks, so that’s why
your monthly service charges went down, right? Sure....
Added
benefit for corporations: Since the process is so cumbersome and
irritating, many folks will just pay small bills twice, rather than
spend 2½ hours on hold for a $15 cheque. And you said he wasn’t
a compassionate conservative!
MORE MONEY FOR
HALLIBURTON
Well,
since he had to start
a war in Iraq, is there
any reason why BIG corporations shouldn’t make BIG
money off it? The
fact that it was Halliburton selected as the chosen one was just the
luck of the draw, I’m sure. After all, there’s nobody in this
Administration connected with Halliburton. Who said W doesn’t take care
of folks!
THE TOTAL
SURVEILLANCE STATE/PATRIOT ACT
I’m
just so scared I don’t mind anything the
government does. After all, they are privy to stuff we don’t know. If W
says we should wipe our butts with the Constitution, so be it! Anyway,
if you’re doing nothing wrong, you’ve got nothing to hide,
right?
Didn’t Goebbels say that? If it worked for Adolf Hitler and his S.S.,
why shouldn’t it work here? If our country needs to become a little
Hitleresque in order to keep us safe, why not? Gee, does anything
sound odd or wrong about this? Hmmm. Naw, W told me those powers would
never be abused.
EXTENSION OF DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME
Yes,
finally I have found an accomplishment of W’s
that I can agree is such. No, it’s not a huge one, but he did give us
an extra month of Daylight Saving Time, giving us the illusion, at
least, that dark winter days are fewer. At least the man does not have
to leave office as a total
failure, for this seemingly insignificant
gift is one that I truly appreciate, despite the fact that it makes for
a mighty thin legacy.
ON TO THE TWENTIETH OF JANUARY
There’s
much more I could have written about, but I
don’t want to make this article too long. Suffice it to say,
president-elect Obama is made of “the right stuff” and is the best
chance we’ve had for decent government in a long time. Good luck, Mr.
president-elect!
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